Sunday, April 19, 2009

The facebook conspiracy - the unsaid, the unheard and the unseen!

After Jesus Christ’s illicit affair, Kennedy’s assassination and CIA’s Gmail, the controversy theorists have found a new target - Facebook. The theory says that Facebook is a device used by the CIA to create a huge database of the users from across the globe. On second thoughts, it is quite possible.

Imagine the malice and hazards you can be subjected to with the kind of information you have handed over through Facebook. This data, compiled and processed, will be passed on to the American army.

Armed with the knowledge of your favourite colour, band and holiday spots, the American soldiers will have an edge over you during the next world war. They will hit you with colour pellets of all the colours but your favourite colour. You sink into depression. At this point, an American soldier will rush to you and tell you how he knows all about your girlfriend who broke up with you a couple of weeks back. He will also tell you about a few downloaded pictures of hers (from her FB album), morphed and otherwise, that he has pinned up in his tent - for a certain purpose. You are in tears. He will also tell you how she will move to Paris in ten days. Thanks to the ‘Where would you be living after 10 days’ application. He will go on and inform you that her ‘Perfect Celebrity Match’ is Garfield - to further demotivate you. And the fact that you do not even remotely resemble the fat cat won’t help the cause. By this time, you are completely heartbroken and are busy with the ‘What weapon would give you the most painless death’ application.

If the theorists are to be believed, the Americans have been using this process successfully and repeatedly to wipe off enemy soldiers, entire battalions at a time. Slowly, but effectively.

Since we have established that Facebook is one of CIA’s cyber weapons of mass destruction, I suggest you don’t open any of those mails with “For ultimate pleasure” as the subject line. For all you know, the attachment could contain the AIDS virus. Biological warfare of course!

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