It's raining stones...

It was well past the closing hours at the Shivas bar. A few friends of mine and I were still drinking when I felt a tug on my sleeve. It was the new trainee guy from work who had accompanied me to the bar. He lived at a PG and had a deadline of 10.30 to catch before the owner unleashed his little menaces – a Rottweiler and a German Shepherd. Reasonable, I thought. And hence, I ignored him. The little bugger started getting more worried as the hour hand approached 11. I asked him to stay over at a friend’s place in order to avoid the dogs. And the little prick said ‘no’. Apparently, he did not mind being shred to pieces by those giant dogs; they were of foreign origin after all. His problem was the local Indian street dogs. Brand consciousness with dog bites?!?! What is this world coming to? And yeah, thank god I am in advertising.

Found it!

I might be a computer graduate but technology is the last thing you want to discuss with me. I used to like creating computer viruses and all that when at school. A little bit of hacking and cracking was also highly amusing. But that’s about it. It is basically due to my laziness. Things in the world of technology have been moving so fast that my fat ass just hasn’t bothered to catch up and keep myself updated; and hence, the fast developing generation gap.

For instance, I keep getting these search engine recommendations from friends of all kinds – techies and non-techies as per Bangalore definition. They go on saying stuff like, “this search engine is better when searching for images” or “this one gets you the best music dude” or “this one gets you the best porn from the planet. The best mallu aunties”, and so on. I do not understand.

The choice between a Yahoo, Altavista, Ask Jeeves and a Google during the time of a dial up network connection was easy. The criterion was ‘speed’. But with the intervention of optic fibers and technologies a.k.a. acronyms I can’t remember, speed is no more a factor, at least for a regular user. So much so that, I guess people Google (the verb – astonishing) for the result when 2 is multiplied by 3 than use a calculator. I use my search engine to search the internet. As long as I get accurate results (no more a USP, but a given), I am happy. Whether it searches from within India, China or Burkina Faso, I do not care. And unless a new search engine, all those Bings and Bingles, makes enough progress to put Katrina Kaif on my bed when I search for her, or courier me a season ticket for Manchester United matches when my search string reads ‘MUFC’, I don’t give a fuck!

In an ideal world...

Autorickshaw drivers demanding extra fare is common knowledge these days and an inevitable part of every rick passenger’s life. But refusing to transport you because you can’t provide him a passenger at the point where you are dropped off – RIDICULOUS! It would be an ideal world then, wouldn’t it be? You reach your destination where a passenger awaits the coming of the maker, in this case, the rick guy. Not only should there be a passenger, he/she would also be the one who is ready to part with a few bucks over the meter reading. And yes, he should also choose a destination where another of his kind awaits. Or a place that is close to the rick guy’s residence, which would invariably be on the other side of the map from where you have to get off.

But then again, were it to be an ideal world, I wouldn’t need a rickshaw in the first place. Would I? I would not be working, hence eliminating my need to go to work. I would be in an inherited castle somewhere in the Swiss Alps – with enough amenities and aides around me to ensure that I do not have to step outside the stone walls till I die. And did I mention a lifelong Sky subscription? Or maybe in a less ideal scenario, I’d be working. But I would have wings and I would fly to office everyday.